I've had many people ask how our transition is going since we came home with Aerin. I don't bring it up on my own, and I have yet to post about it because, honestly, I feel a bit guilty about it. I like to say that God knew we were first time parents that would struggle with figuring it all out. So, He gave us an idiot proof baby. She is so easy most of the time that it blows my mind. I prepared myself for our daughter to be up every couple hours and barely eat or have some developmental delay or birth condition that we would have to adjust to. God has BLOWN us away by giving us a daughter that is developmentally advanced, fit as a fiddle (not even a parasite), eats like a pig and sleeps all night. I want to lay it out there because, it will come out eventually as I continue to blog. My post today though is not to brag, but to be real. I don't want someone that is looking at blogs trying to decide to adopt to see my comments and think that this is easy. It's not. We know that it won't always be this easy. Well, it's already not always that easy. This morning my daughter screamed for 30 or 45 minutes, a heartbreaking scream of fear, as I laid her down for her morning nap. She would go to sleep, I would lay her down, and she would wake up screaming..over..and over. That's her easy nap time. She has slept in that same crib for her naps so...so many times. Yet for some unknown reason this morning, she was terrified of me leaving her. I had to hold her until she had been asleep a long time before putting her in her crib. This happens every now and then, hopefully less and less. But, this is a small part of the hard stuff that comes with adoption, even with a young infant as easy as our daughter. That an infant can have a fear of being left amazes me, but emotional scars start very young.
I grieved for our daughter's loss almost continually before we brought her home. It's so easy to forget now that she is home and so sweet, fun and happy. It's moments like this morning that I grieve again for her. I grieve that our daughter has to have already, at less than 7 months old, suffer the loss of 2 mothers, her birth mother and the special mother that took care of her at HH. She's in her forever family now, and we're not going anywhere, but I know that she will always have to deal with her loss. That loss will be evident as show grows up and wants to know why she looks different from us and who she looks like. It won't always be as easy...adoption never is, but it is oh so worth it.
-amory
-here's a post of encouragement for any of you that are struggling with your adoption transition.
