February #s

For February we are officially 8 on the boy list and 12 on the girl list. No, that is not a mistype. I did say 8 on the boy list. Yes, we moved back a place this month. Why? Well I don't really have an answer for that. It could be caused by a couple different things. Here is an excerpt from the email we received with our updated numbers.
1)Families may return to the waitlist at anytime due to extenuating circumstances including the difficult situation of losing a referral. (There was a failed adoption last month and it is possible that family was put back on the wait list but don't know that they were).
2)Families ahead of you on the waitlist may alter their parameters at anytime assuming they have the approval of their social worker as well as our social services department. (someone ahead of us on the girl list could have decided to get on the boy list too).

It was not disclosed to us the exact reason why our number went up on the list, so we just have to cling to the fact that God is still on his throne and is sovereignly in control of this process. That being said, it doesn't mean that we don't still get frustrated. It still hurts to every day come home to a childless home and an empty nursery. There are still days that we just want to scream because it's so frustrating that there is NOTHING we can do to speed things up. We are still completely in love with a child on the other side of the world and are just dying to find out what our child looks like. But as much as it hurts to wait, I also know that I shouldn't want this to go any faster than God intends it to. I know that for me to become a mother, another mother must lose her beloved child, and our child must lose his/her first mother. I don't wish that kind of grief on anyone, even if it means I can be a mother. I know that it is inevitable that my child will have to experience this grief and I WANT to be there to comfort my child when that time comes, but I don't want my child to experience that grief a second before he/she has to. So we wait. We trust that God's timing is perfect and that we must be obedient and WAIT ON HIM, however difficult that wait might be.
-amory